The best birthday of all!

Hard to believe I am turning fifty. Sometimes I repeat it and it does not seem possible. Other times when I reflect back and think of my life I know its at least my fiftieth birthday. One long journey behind me and one incredible one ahead. So many challenges to come but surely not as many as I have overcome, or so one would hope. I had my first child at seventeen then three more boys after that. Feels like I have had kids my whole life. Before that I was the oldest of five children and my parents who divorced when I was young seemed to lead us into some gypsy life traveling the world and never knowing where we would call home or which parent we would be with. Also seems I spent a lot of time caring for my brothers and sisters. I at times feel like a bad person when I say I am so happy to just about have my children raised. One in his thirties, one getting ready to turn 28, one 21 and the last one at home 18 with one more year left of high school. I do know we never quit being parents no matter how old they get but that being said I really am looking forward to the ME time ahead. Time finally to do the things that I have so longed to do and man oh man is there a bucket list of them. When I think of fifty my first thought would be I have to get it all done before I run out of time. The self fulfillment of knowing I have made my mark before I leave here. All the things spinning around in my head that always got pushed back for a later date. I am here to tell you my friends the time is now and there is no later date. I shall move forward with one goal leading directly into another and another. I shall create and dream and play. I shall good lord willing find my barn by the water and all my friends shall come and play too....we will learn to love and be understanding yet brutally honest with one another. I find as I get older I demand honesty and loyalty and no longer am so willing to tolerate anything less. There is no time for it. I shall learn to kindly say NO. I have never been very good at doing that. I am going to pray to learn to listen more and talk less....(hard for me, I ramble). I will hold the few that I love dearly close to my heart and I will open my heart more and try to not worry so about being hurt. Life is about taking a chance and the moment we stop taking chances we stop growing. No time for that, I want to grow and learn and soak in every opportunity that comes my way. I want to learn to love deeply, yes deeply and as sappy as that sounds I shall accomplish this because this has been an issue for me. I have always held back some part of me and by doing this I have self punished. No holding back. No time for that. I shall do all the silly things I have dreamed of.  I will create a very private place when I buy my house and put a tub outside. I will then take a bath under the stars with a bazillion candles lit listening to some sappy song and drink sweet tea. I will spend more time with my beautiful wonderful grandbabies. My 27 year old son Jody was over the other night and he said I was becoming more eccentric as I got older.  I replied "yep" I sure am as a smile crept across my face. I am proud of where I have come from but more proud of the direction I am heading......

Heres to you fifty I will see you at the barn by the water really soon and we shall celebrate every day!

Juju

P.S. Thank you Chasing Claire De Lune for allowing me to use your artwork. I so love you....