Life is a journey. Seems it always will be. I will be fifty next month and that is something that I am very proud of. I am so so proud of it because I have spent many years trying to find my artistic bliss. I have tried many forms of art....all good.... all enjoyable. But none were mine. People praised me and told me how beautiful my creations were nevertheless they were not me. I would look in magazines and at pictures as we all do. I would hang out with friends and try all these things every one else did to see if I could make them and yes for the most part I could. After all, we do find inspiration from others work. Still......something was always missing when I looked at the finished product. It was not mine. I decided in January of this year to dig really deep and find what was "mine". I gave many many hours of thought to what was it that I had a true love for.....what excited me? Not, what was everything I liked to do but what really really spoke to me deep inside somewhere. What was it when I sat down that could take me away for hours at a time. I gave no thought to money or profit (yes it is true) because it was not about the money. It was about finding me. If I found me and the money came because someone else found it worthy enough to buy it then great. But money was not the motivating factor. I wanted to find me and what brought me great joy. I looked hard.
This meant for the moment I had to put away all the pictures of every ones work that I had admired. This yes, was not easy but I knew as long as I was looking at those things I would be influenced by them and I did not want to be influenced by anything but what was deep inside my soul. It was and is hard work. Even harder because I have no blue print. I am writing the blueprint day by day. Trial and error. Yes, I have others to bounce ideas off of but mostly I have found that even when I do that I come back to my own thoughts and do it "my way". My friends love me enough to never get offended by that thank god. I have to tell you once my train of thought went in this direction things have never been the same. I am so driven beyond belief. My mind and my body fight with one another all the time. The body says stop you have got to sleep the mind says no you have no time for that because you have found you. I have a few friends right now that I dearly love and they are having this same issue all I can say to you is dig deep. Don't worry about letting others down worry about letting yourself down because ultimately if you do what someone else thinks you should then you are truly slighting yourself and artistic happiness will never be found. It is a hard journey but when you get there oh what a wonderful joyful feeling. I wish I could describe it but really I cannot.Trust me you will know it when you get there. It will be a feeling like none other. A driving passion that will never go away. There will be so many new doors to walk through that you will never have believed imaginable. Dance through those doors and shut the old ones behind you for in these moments you have found you. You will have found your bliss!
Love,
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